


Among Shadows and Stars

by kaleidomusings



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Family, Family Feels, First Time, Force Ghosts, Force-Sensitive Finn, Friendship, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-22 17:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6088075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaleidomusings/pseuds/kaleidomusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events at Starkiller Base and healing up from his injuries, Finn has a special visitor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There's a beautiful woman standing over his bed when Finn opens his eyes.

He stares at her longer than is considered polite, but he can't seem to help himself because she's _gorgeous_. She has dark curly hair she has tied back from her face, but a few strands have fallen loose, drawing attention to her big brown eyes. And although Finn has been in and out of consciousness, he knows that he's in the Resistance's medbay, that Poe has been at his bedside near constantly while the medics and medical droids tend to him, but he doesn't recognize this woman and isn't sure who she might be. Has the Resistance determined he isn't worth saving after all and sent this woman to decommission him?

"Can I say goodbye to Poe first?" Finn asks, his voice still a little hoarse and shaky, having just woken up from his coma a few days ago. He really wants a drink of water, but seeing Poe is much more important. Then again, when he stops to think about it, maybe that's the reason Poe isn't here now. As weird as it might be to think, it makes Finn feel better to know that Poe doesn't want to watch it happen. 

A selfish part of him wants to see him one last time, though. 

The woman shakes her head and lowers herself gracefully in the chair beside his bed. She reaches out a hand and lays it on the side of his face, her fingers gently running up and over his brow. "I'm not going to hurt you, Finn."

"Then why are you here?" The room is dark with only a faint beam of moonlight shining through the window and none of the droids monitoring him have stirred at this woman's presence. "And how do you know my name?"

Even though Finn doesn't know the woman at all, something in the way she smiles is vaguely familiar to him. "You're a hero. And I want to thank you."

"Thank me? For what?" He hasn't done anything worth her gratitude. Destroying Starkiller Base and defeating Kylo Ren had been a joint effort with Poe, Han, Chewbacca, Rey, and the other Resistance pilots. But before Finn can tell her so, his eyes are already starting to close. The last thing he sees is the woman rising to her feet. 

"I'll tell you another time," he hears her say before falling asleep. 

\--

"Did a woman come in during the night?" Finn asks the next morning to the medical droid checking his vitals. 

The droid gives him a strange look, although how that's possible when the droid's features never move is a mystery. "There have been no visitors after Commander Dameron retired to his quarters."

The woman hadn't been wearing a medic's uniform, so did Finn just imagine her? "Maybe I was dreaming," he thinks aloud. 

"If you are experiencing hallucinations--"

"I wasn't hallucinating," he says quickly. Mental malfunction is a sure way to get decommissioned. "I dreamt a woman came into the room last night. She said she wanted to thank me for something."

"Dreams about a woman wanting to express her gratitude," Poe says from the doorway, looking amused, as BB-8 rolls into the room after him with a flurry of beeps and whistles. "Pretty tame as far as fantasies go." 

Finn flushes. Even though he knows Poe is just teasing him, it still feels awkward to joke about his newly awakened sexual urges, which he had no idea had been suppressed until the drugs that all Stormtroopers were forced to take (in order to be more efficient soldiers, he supposes) were flushed out of his system. Besides, aren't there rules about fantasizing about other people without their consent?

Whatever his expression is doing, it makes Poe smile fondly as he moves further into the room. "I'm kidding."

Finn tries to laugh, but it falls a little flat, even though he pretends not to be embarrassed as he feels by reaching out to graze the dome of BB-8's head with his fingertips. For him, fantasies are rare and far between even after the drugs were purged from his body, but they almost always feature Poe. Which is the only reason Finn knows about the consent rule, because after waking up from one such dream he asked a droid if there was something wrong with him, and then had to sit through a horrific lecture on sexual intercourse and the meaning of consent. It kind of makes him wish he was a droid himself, if only to scrub the entire thing from his memory. 

Fortunately, Poe notices his discomfort and takes pity on him. Poe sits down next to him and lays his hand on the blankets, his fingers so close to his hand that Finn can feel the warmth of them. "Not one of my best jokes, I'll admit. How about we start over?" He waits until Finn nods back at him. "Hey, buddy. How are you feeling?"

 _Terrible_ , he thinks. But instead he says, "A little better." 

It's not exactly a lie, since Finn can finally feel his toes -which is a major improvement- but he still can't move or even sit up without assistance. 

"Because of your late night visitor?" Poe asks and BB-8 beeps loudly at him. 

It actually has more to do with Poe being at his side when he woke up from his coma, Poe reassuring him that Rey will be back after she finds Luke Skywalker, Poe encouraging him at every step of his recovery, Poe bringing him things to read and watch so he won't die from boredom, Poe who sometimes lulls him to sleep with the smooth tone of his voice while he sings songs Finn doesn't recognize, Poe who keeps the nightmares at bay with just his presence. But Finn is too embarrassed to tell him so and instead tries to change the subject to a safer topic. "I think I've seen her somewhere before."

"It'll come to you, I'm sure," Poe says with a smile, but it's nothing like his real ones. It doesn't seem to reach his eyes, as if Poe is forcing himself, and Finn doesn't know what to make of it. But before he can ask Major Kalonia walks over. 

"Commander Dameron," she says, arching a brow at him. "If I may have a word with my patient."

Poe holds up his hands in a placating gesture. "All right. All right. I know when I'm being thrown out." He turns to smile at Finn again, but thankfully this one is much more genuine. "I'll see you later, Finn."

Major Kalonia patiently waits for Poe and BB-8 to leave the room after promising to visit him again later. She turns to Finn and he stiffens automatically. She's nothing like the First Order medics, who were brusque and callous and usually just slapped a bacta pack on an injury, unless it was serious enough to warrant decommission. But Major Kalonia is the complete opposite and Finn is at a loss on how to act around her. Despite being a somewhat soft-spoken woman, her hands are careful but sure, and she's been nothing but gentle, patiently answering any questions he might have even after working so hard to save his life. 

The way she treats him is alarmingly like how Poe, General Organa, and the Resistance fighters he's met treat him. They act like he means something, like he matters. And Finn -who grew up taught to believe that his life was insignificant and expendable- doesn't know how to deal with that.


	2. Chapter 2

The strange but beautiful woman who visited him in the medbay never makes a second appearance, and after a while Finn dismisses the encounter entirely.

A part of him still thinks it would be unnecessary for her to thank him (regardless of what she wanted to thank him _for_ ),but maybe she realized that herself and that was why Finn hasn't seen her since. 

Besides, he's been busy settling into his new life as a member of the Resistance to think about her. Major Kalonia, after managing to piece him back together, overseers his physical therapy, helping him learn how to move his body again. She insists that he's improved a lot already, but even a short walk down a corridor is a slow going and uncomfortable process. There's nothing Finn wants more than to speed up his recovery. Not just because he's feeling restless, but because he wants to help the Resistance, help Poe. 

"Rushing it will cause you more harm than good," Poe tells him frequently, when Finn is feeling the most frustrated. Despite his busy schedule and having to leave the base more often than not, Poe and BB-8 always take the time to visit him when they can. "Just take it one day at a time."

But every time Poe leaves for a mission, having to sit in his hospital bed and wait for him to come back is pure agony. Finn has never felt so helpless and it makes him sick to his stomach that he's not there to watch Poe's back. Sometimes the other pilots still on base come to visit him and keep him distracted, which he appreciates. He's grown especially fond of Jessika Pava, Kare Kun, Niv Lek, and Temmin Wexley, who insists that Finn calls him Snap. 

He's actually on his way to meet Kare and Niv in the mess hall, when one of General Organa's aides finds him and takes him to her office instead. When the door is shut, leaving him effectively trapped with the General, he starts feeling a bit nervous. From his experience, authority figures were cold and cruel, who abused their power because no one could stand up to them. But General Organa is different. Finn hasn't been with the Resistance for very long, but he sees that she's the kind of leader her subordinates would sacrifice their lives for -not out of fear or obligation- but because they believe in her as surely as breathing. That's somehow much more intimidating, than if he was facing down Hux or Phasma.

"General Organa," Finn says, still slightly out of breath from moving more than his body could handle. He starts to raise his arm in the First Order salute out of habit and immediately lowers it when her brows draw tightly together. He's never had to wonder if a person can die from mortification, but he imagines this must be what it feels like. "Oh. Um. I'm sorry."

Fortunately, her face eases into a smile and she gestures to a chair he sinks into gratefully. "You have nothing to apologize for," she says, "I just wanted to thank you in person for your actions on Starkiller Base. It took a lot of bravery to do what you did."

Finn can tell that she's being sincere and means what she says, but that makes him feel even worse than if she had lied. She makes him sound like a hero, when that isn't true at all. He lied. Even though destroying Starkiller Base and protecting the Resistance had been important, in his mind saving Rey took precedence over everything else. But Han died, and he feels responsible for leading him to that fate. 

At the very least, he wants to apologize, although he knows she has no reason to forgive him. 

"General, I--"

She holds up a hand, halting his words before he can say them. "What happened to Han wasn't your fault. He did his best, but the Dark Side is too much for Ben to turn away from right now."

Finn doesn't mean to stare, but he's never heard her call Kylo Ren by name -his _real_ name, his birth name- and it's strange to imagine some floppy haired child growing up into a man who destroyed equipment when throwing tantrums.

The General clears her throat and he freezes up in horror, because she may not be a Jedi but she's _Luke Skywalker's sister_ so he wouldn't be surprised if she could actually read his mind. He considers apologizing just in case when there's a hurried knock on the door. 

"Yes?"

"Pardon the intrusion, General," the aide says when she opens the door. "But we've just received a transmission from Master Luke Skywalker--"

"And Rey?" Finn wishes he could keep his big mouth shut but _Rey_. "What about Rey?"

The aide looks mildly annoyed about the interruption, but the General rises from her chair and moves around the desk to place a gentle hand on his shoulder, which makes some of the tension bleed out of him, but only slightly. 

"Why don't you come with me, Finn?" she asks.

\--

"You're looking better than the last time I saw you," Rey says, after the General and Luke Skywalker ( _the_ Luke Skywalker, who smiled when Finn introduced himself) catch up and then -while the General doesn't leave- she sends everyone else away so that he has the console all to himself.

Finn is grinning so widely his mouth hurts as he stares at Rey's face, and he doesn't even care how ridiculous he looks because he missed her something fierce. "The last time you saw me, I was in a coma," he points out.

She doesn't laugh, though he would have preferred it if she had. The sad, almost guilty expression on her face physically hurts him. "I wanted to stay with you, Finn. Really I did. You know I wouldn't have left if I didn't have a choice."

"You had to go find Luke Skywalker," Finn says. He's never believed in fate or destiny before, but he thinks he understands it now. He knows that Rey is destined for greater things, he feels it down to the very reaches of his soul. "And now you're being trained by him! It's incredible. _You're_ incredible."

Rey smiles at him -bright and beautiful- and Finn thinks he would gladly let Kylo Ren slice through his back again to see her smile like that always. "So what about you?"

"What about me?" 

She rolls her eyes, fondly exasperated. "Are you planning to stay with the Resistance then?"

Finn ducks his head, feeling suddenly shy. "Well, I can't move very much at the moment, but yeah. I've made some friends here and want to help them out as much as I can." He glances back over his shoulder as he says it, pleased when he receives an approving nod from General Organa.

"I met your pilot friend, Poe," Rey says as Finn turns back around. His face heats up, although he can't pinpoint why exactly. "He was nice."

"He is." Although nice doesn't even cover it. Poe is amazing. Poe is wonderful. Finn almost tells her that, but he's too embarrassed to in front of the General.

But Rey seems to understand anyway, because her smile turns soft. "I want to hear everything that's happened since you woke up the next time I call."

His heart sinks. "You're not coming back here?"

Rey shakes her head, apologetic. "I'm going to be busy with my training, but I'll call again. We can't send too many transmissions very often because it can be traced, but I will when I can."

Finn doesn't want this moment to end, but he'd feel worse if it ended and he let her worry about him, so the smile he gives her is real. "I miss you, Rey," he says. "Be safe." And then, because he doesn't know when he'll have the chance again, he tells her, "I love you."

Rey smiles again and says, "I love you too, Finn. Take care of yourself," before the transmission fades into nothing.

Finn stands there for a long time and only stirs when the General moves closer. "They'll be fine," she says. 

"I know." And he does, but his heart feels heavy in his chest as he says goodbye to General Organa and makes his slow journey back to the medbay. 

But when Finn rounds a corner, the woman he saw all those weeks ago is waiting for him at the end of the hall. He stops and stares at the scar over her eyebrow and the dark green of her shirt, positive now that he's more lucid and awake that he's seen her somewhere before. Even the way she holds herself is familiar but where--

"Finn!" a voice shouts and he turns, catching sight of Poe and BB-8 making their way toward him. 

"Poe?" He stumbles forward and throws his arms around him, who accepts the hug with a squeeze of his own. It's only been a few days since they last saw each other, but it feels like an eternity has passed. "When did you get back?"

"About an hour ago," Poe says as Finn kneels down carefully to pat BB-8 on the head, who trills at him. "I've been looking for you. Niv and Kare said you didn't show up for mess."

"Oh." Maybe that's why he feels so hungry all of a sudden. And maybe a little lightheaded too. Finn straightens up carefully, wincing at the twinge in his lower back. "A transmission came in from Rey. She found Luke Skywalker and started training with him."

"That's great!" Poe says, beaming at him, and Finn's breath stutters at the sight of that smile. "Hopefully next time I can talk to her too."

"I think she'd like that," Finn says and then sways a little, suddenly wanting to sit down. 

BB-8 beeps in alarm as Poe moves closer, arms outstretched as if to catch him in case he falls. "Buddy? What's wrong?"

"I'm just a little tired," Finn says quietly. It's been an emotionally exhausting day. The visit from General Organa, Rey's message, the strange woman he keeps seeing--

Suddenly remembering that _she's right there_ , Finn turns back around, but the space where she was standing is empty. He feels a shiver run down his spine that has nothing to do with his injuries, unsettled. 

"Finn?" He faces Poe again, who is looking at him with concern. 

"Sorry," he says, because apologizing is easier than explaining. "Have you eaten? You must be starving."

Poe links their arms together in a subtle way of helping him walk. "Well, that's true, but I spoke with Major Kalonia and she said you're supposed to be discharged today."

Finn leans against him as they move together, BB-8 rolling along behind them. "Really?" That's the first time he's heard it.

"And I thought you might have a hard time bunking alone, since I have the extra space anyway--"

His heart swelling with emotion because Poe is always so _good_ , Finn grins. "Yes! Let's be roommates!"

Poe laughs and Finn notices for the first time that he has a small pack slung over one shoulder. All of Finn's meager belongings in one little bag. "How about we drop this off at my room and then go get something to eat?" he asks. 

Finn nods and lets Poe lead him to the pilots' barracks. After the door slides shut behind them, Poe helps him sit down on his bed and moves to put his things away for him, so Finn takes the opportunity to glance around the room. It's smaller than he thought it would be, but he imagines that -despite being a commander and one of the best pilots in the entire galaxy (the other being Rey, of course)- Poe would never use his rank to get big fancy quarters like a commander in the First Order would have.

He studies a picture Poe has projected on the wall by his bed of a little boy with curly hair and a missing front tooth that has to be Poe. He's riding the shoulders of a handsome man he obviously inherited his strong jaw from, and Finn tries to imagine Poe with the facial hair his father is sporting in the picture. There's a woman who has to be Poe's mother, and--  _wait a minute_.

"It's her!" Finn yells, pointing at the picture. 

Poe and BB-8 startle at his sudden outburst. "What?" 

"That woman," Finn says. "I know her! She's the one who came to see me in the medbay."

Poe looks from Finn to the picture, his eyes wide with concern. "Finn. Buddy," he says and then falters. When he speaks again, his words are slow and very careful. "My mom's been dead for years."

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments letting me know when you think so far. 
> 
> I'm trying to keep some of the details as accurate as possible, but once I thought about the possibility of this happening, I knew that I had to write it and I hope you can bear with me.


End file.
